Wednesday, February 8, 2017

false claims

Claiming purity but steadily losing purity contest no contest I am fucked. Fucked, not in a depressing sense just in the sense that I can't get right. Righteousness, seems to be out of my reach so I reach for a brokenness that seems more authentic.

Monday, September 26, 2016

screaming

Screaming for something to believe in. There are limits to intellect. Limits to the questions of questioning everything. Everything is up for grabs as I try to grab for something beyond the pale of the accepted. Looking for everything and finding nothing.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

paychecks

Paychecks can't come soon enough. Soon enough anxiety about going under will be replaced by temporary relief. Relief is really only temporary so temporarily paychecks will provide opportunities to check out. As we constantly check out checking accounts as diminished checking accounts account for frustration. Yeah, frustration is real as truth be told paychecks can't come soon enough.

conditional


Love seems so conditional. Love contingent on behaviors that make others feel good. I guess its good riddance to the notion that I will be accepted scars and all. All this time consumed in concealers covering up that which is broken.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

scars heal

I think childhood scars might never heal. So, I simply learn concepts of love through brokenness. This is not a pity party piece because I am not the only one in pieces looking for peace. Peace is not real is seems like chaos or the painful feeling that there is more out there but one will never grasp it because that would require something more concrete then a feeling or idea.

They Lied

They lied when they said that this is a happy life. Happiness is myth. Is this morbid? Mostly melancholy riff rooted in realness or are the feathers that were once thought to be wings simply chains that have capitulated to the notion that there is more out there?

countless

Countless will move through life anonymous. Lost in the myth of possibilities holding tightly to the possibilities that something tomorrow will provide clarity to so much of what seems pointless. Arrows pointing in all directions but the directions still hold no answers to destinations that will plug up holes of meaning. Meaning or the reality that this is devoid of meaning and no accumulation of materials will allow for peace to materialize.

Monday, June 13, 2016

search/love

The search for love. To feel love and that one's presence is meaningful in someway. It is this drive that I think has the potential to drive one mad. Maddening it is to feel unloved or more importantly incapable of feeling the love by loved ones. One's impacted with this affliction lie on the outside of normalcy. And yes love is socially constructed.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

seem to grasp

I am seeking something that most can't seem to grasp. Honestly, maybe the truth is I can't grasp it either. It is either be propelled by the beauty of what could be or remain frustrated and the limits of what is. Is it okay for me to say that this can't be life. I long for a life not lived in this way.