Monday, September 26, 2016

screaming

Screaming for something to believe in. There are limits to intellect. Limits to the questions of questioning everything. Everything is up for grabs as I try to grab for something beyond the pale of the accepted. Looking for everything and finding nothing.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

paychecks

Paychecks can't come soon enough. Soon enough anxiety about going under will be replaced by temporary relief. Relief is really only temporary so temporarily paychecks will provide opportunities to check out. As we constantly check out checking accounts as diminished checking accounts account for frustration. Yeah, frustration is real as truth be told paychecks can't come soon enough.

conditional


Love seems so conditional. Love contingent on behaviors that make others feel good. I guess its good riddance to the notion that I will be accepted scars and all. All this time consumed in concealers covering up that which is broken.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

scars heal

I think childhood scars might never heal. So, I simply learn concepts of love through brokenness. This is not a pity party piece because I am not the only one in pieces looking for peace. Peace is not real is seems like chaos or the painful feeling that there is more out there but one will never grasp it because that would require something more concrete then a feeling or idea.

They Lied

They lied when they said that this is a happy life. Happiness is myth. Is this morbid? Mostly melancholy riff rooted in realness or are the feathers that were once thought to be wings simply chains that have capitulated to the notion that there is more out there?

countless

Countless will move through life anonymous. Lost in the myth of possibilities holding tightly to the possibilities that something tomorrow will provide clarity to so much of what seems pointless. Arrows pointing in all directions but the directions still hold no answers to destinations that will plug up holes of meaning. Meaning or the reality that this is devoid of meaning and no accumulation of materials will allow for peace to materialize.

Monday, June 13, 2016

search/love

The search for love. To feel love and that one's presence is meaningful in someway. It is this drive that I think has the potential to drive one mad. Maddening it is to feel unloved or more importantly incapable of feeling the love by loved ones. One's impacted with this affliction lie on the outside of normalcy. And yes love is socially constructed.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

seem to grasp

I am seeking something that most can't seem to grasp. Honestly, maybe the truth is I can't grasp it either. It is either be propelled by the beauty of what could be or remain frustrated and the limits of what is. Is it okay for me to say that this can't be life. I long for a life not lived in this way.

chains

Damn the entanglements and chains and as existence creates chains that confine free souls. As most souls can't fathom the longing to be free. Free from entanglements and chains the correlate to a subservient existence I long to exist outside the lines but so many choices have been made to exist with the realms of normalcy as normalcy is boring and extremely unfulfilling.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

automated

The desire to break out of the automated system. Society is designed to make us a cog. So how do we live outside of the cog-like existence. Seeking to exist outside of the margins of conformity of I have conformed to so much of societies clichés. Freedom seem to be a long held memory that I can never truly capture.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

live long

If you live long enough you will live to see lost. In the midst of that lost you will be left with the laughter and moments of past possibilities that never quite bloom past the potential of fruition. To let go of the pain and the beauty of the past is liberating and at times terrifying because at times I am like who am I without the memories. Shit that we require to be in the moment in the current moments that can be so terrifying. Surprise!!!

not all together

Maybe in the space I can be brutally honest about not having it all together. That to be a husband and a father can be glorious and challenging at the same time. That at times as a professor standing in front of apathetic crowds brings back feelings of being ignored in childhood. So the rage from the 80's interrupts current day brokenness. I don't have it all together and maybe no one was saying that I had to be but it still feels good to say. It feels good at time to say I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

drinking

Drinking has become the vehicle for the turn-up. Looking for a way to the dial up on what at times seems like monotone living. However, is it living to damage my body because the spirit insides craves distractions from its feeling of not being fulfilled. I wish, recognizing at times that wishing is so futile.

limits

if we could ever accept the limits. I wonder if in acceptance that the allure of the grass on the other side would fade? Or is it simply about fading into the notion that whatever notions exist of this imaginary life of bliss is blissfully unattainable.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

find the love

Hateful energy eases so easily from broken vessels. So, in spaces of pain the vanity of hate emanates from those who have been hated on. I just want to see and feel love with the people not any other emotion because those poisonous emotions drain and I am looking to filled by the love of the people. People we got to find the love.

Monday, February 8, 2016

ring

Let freedom ring!!! Masses got the phone on silent as they silently scroll pass urgent messaging. Messages not getting through or maybe it is just calls for something more than a facebook post that leaves most posted in positions of stillness. Damn, I could not call it but calls for reform have been called off. I am off that so revolution is the only calls I will be accepting.

words

Revolution!!!! Immediate change to the conditions that cripple. I have no interest in being unnecessarily radical but radical formations formulate white rage. Rage against the machine as the machine moves with a pace of indifference power to the people that see that power is the only thing the machine respects. So, I respectfully disagree with those who pose next to the statue of reform. In me what has formed has made me unapologetically radical.

Monday, January 25, 2016

myself

I could lie to myself and soothe festering insecurity with the security of a bottle but patron has never solved a problem but it has sought to soothe the mind of one who knows that those real problems can't be solved. So, what is solved for a night is the hopelessness attached with living in the midst of failed systems and flawed people.

million apologies

A million apologies never given cause I could not give myself over to the possibility that I was full of shit. However, what is known is learned through close proximity so those close know flawed truths and I hope those truths are enough. If not a million apologies.

lshe

Love stories don't always have happy endings. What ends could leave scars of resentment or regret because there is the memory of what might have been. Love stories are beautiful because they reflect possibility. However possibilities end and you're ultimately left with the beauty of what is.

&&&

Commodification of what it means to be a victim. Everybody wants to say how bad they had it but truthfully what does that change. It is loose change in the sense that it does not change the composition of my pockets. Not saying pockets reflect health just that a healthy bank account could account for a better mood.

Like

I am not above a like and this truth makes it hard to like yourself. Cause love of self begins with self but I am affirmed by the likes associated with a selfie. So, self-soothing is seen in the affirmation of others. As others hold imaginary keys because the door to acceptance has been locked.

commodities

The whole shit is for sale. You can't escape the marketplace like ancestors could not outrun their place on the  auction blocks. Blocks are for building but since blocks don't get along I see why there is no building. So, we are stuck in the midst of selling ourselves and souls for food clothing shelter.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

flint

Damn, you cant even take drinking water for granted as the weight of consciousness feels like granite grant it we will be on to the next has- tag soon. Damn, consciousness is really not enough. As the limits of what's enough seems to be at the bottom floor and we are still in our descent. Decent people are concerned but concerns don't alter policies and poisoned waters show the well of indifference is far from empty. More empty words of mock outrage and truth be told it might not even be mock but we are still mocked for rage. So, we rage against machines and machines of corruption still move with impunity. Impeach someone but shit will they simply be replaced by another figurehead I can't figure it would be anything less.

?????

The modes for getaway don't lead to being able to get away. There is nowhere one can escape. Or maybe escape is simply an illusion. Shit I don't know. I just don't see the fairness in the social arrangements and maybe that the issue some sense of fairness.

matrix

What if you don't want to sell anything? If you're not interested in turning yourself into a brand? Then are you branded as lazy with no impulse to grind. I don't want to live in grind mode. As the masses are grounded to dust. Nothing for sale becomes a slogan to advertise difference. Nothing is free of the matrix.

question

Are we punished when We don't explicitly live for GOD? It seems vengeful to condemn children who don't follow your rules.

wonder

Time at time can be cruel because lessons are learn after time has passed. So, in that passing we never get back the moments for the knowledge of regret to be beneficial. The morality of life creeps in when dreams are deferred. The fear of will I ever reach anything other than regret.